firm_detective: (talking - sharpie marker)
L is still resting in bed. He's recovered from the shock of the hallucination he experienced earlier that day, and has been turning the problem over and over in his mind, considering Mello's suggestions carefully.

The particular difficulty of the dilemma is not its strangeness: he finds that if he broadens what he's willing to accept, it simplifies things drastically. It's that, once again, he's sure the puzzle is missing a few crucial pieces. He can guess at what they might be, but there are several possibilities, and he can't yet be sure. He worries that his time will run down to nothing before he works them out.

There's a knock at the door.

[[This thread is private to [livejournal.com profile] firm_detective, [livejournal.com profile] lastrunnerup, [livejournal.com profile] coordinated_n, and [livejournal.com profile] misamisal, when she "returns from getting lunch."]]
firm_detective: (speechless)
It is now becoming difficult for L to perform even simple tasks, so he takes a certain point of pride in brushing his teeth several times each day. He loads the toothbrush with care and a trembling hand, then painstakingly cleans his mouth, spitting the greenish foam into the sink when he's finished. His gums bleed green sometimes, too, but the mint of the toothpaste clears some of the taste of the discharge from the back of his throat.

His meeting in the kitchen with Beyond, the other night, has been constantly on his mind. The ghost is the illness, the illness is the ghost, and both are something else... something larger.... The obvious answer is "a trick of the Mansion" -- but this seems to go far past that.

So, this morning, he squeezes the white toothpaste onto the brush, concentrating on it closely (only losing a small dollop to the counter), then raises his gaze to the mirror over the sink as he raises the brush to his mouth.

The brush falls to the countertop, unused.

In his place in the mirror, staring back at him, is the corpse from the kitchen and the hallway. Half of its forehead and one side of its jaw have caved in, and its chest and abdominal cavity are a gaping wreck. Everything is drenched in a layer of green slime, but what can be seen of the skin has a greenish rash, here and there.

Please... please....
the face in the mirror begs through its ruined mouth.

L claps his shaking hand to his mouth, but his reflection doesn't do the same. Instead, it smiles.

The bathroom is a good size, but he's certain he's alone in it. The room reflected in the mirror, though, is packed with people, all him. L as he was before he fell ill, L as he would look if he'd hung himself. L with slashed wrists, L in a straitjacket, L with his head shaved, electrodes attached to the sides. L rotting in his grave and an L made of ashes, which quickly collapses. L grinning, his shirt drenched with blood. An L burned almost beyond recognition, and Ls covered in scars, from burn scars to knife scars to whip scars. L with a bloody bandage where his eyes should be. What might have been L, once, but is now a mess of skinned red flesh.

He takes a step back from the mirror, horrified, but someone catches him by the arm -- it's a large hand, veined, with a strong grip, coming from behind the shower doors.

He wrenches himself away -- the hand is gone, suddenly -- and falls to his knees. The pain has intensified to a point where it's almost unbearable.

He vomits on the floor. It's mostly green slime.

He calls out for someone -- someone, please help. Please.

[[This thread is private to [livejournal.com profile] firm_detective, [livejournal.com profile] misamisal, and [livejournal.com profile] lastrunnerup. Anyone else want to get involved? Ping me and we can work something out.]]
firm_detective: (working)
[[continuation of personal log related to epidemic in Mansion]]

Tuesday -- More pain. Burning pain. Fever receding, occasioanl flare. Breathing problems.
- After I completed entry, Near (blind) dead. Ruptured thoracic and abdominal regions. green. like body in kitchn. illness's ultimate conclusion.
- I am dying. my pain points to it. ridiculous way to die.
- visits: Mello, Watari, Pink-san. Loose ends tied.
- M. sicker than I thought. Green patches on back. Wants to make deals. Love her.

Wednesday -- Continuation & escalation of symptoms.
- Went to kitchen for an hour in the evening.
- **Beyond is well again.** no longer averse to watari eithr.
- Elle: discussion, Light worse (gr discharge), child Mello hallucinates but no other symp, something weird abt B visit friday?,
**WHY AREN'T THE CHILDREN ILL** (epidemiology)
- Feeling -- being watched

Thurs -- Same. feel watched when alone -- motor control deteriorating
- Kitchen again -- met new Near
- mihael v sick -- discharge -- kira near v sick -- still active
- visit from Light, surprise @ his concern

fri -- same -- always more pain -- watched
- stayed in bed exc visitors
- misas eyes gr now -- why?

sat -- same, worse -- breathing
- hallucinatn in hall. gurney. slime. body disappears. dead end but it vanished?
- help from mel, talk -- *WHY DID EVERYONE GET SICK @ SAME TIME?**
= *****NOT A NORMAL DISEASE*****
- ghost? devil?

sun -- same as sat
- met new 2x int conv
- conv w pink in kitchen -- promises re M -- my theory of illness (such as is)

mon -- same, alws increasing
- mihael dead, light tkng badly
- B in ktchn -- claims 3rd death.

B IS HALLUCINATION OR GHOST. IF HALL., AM FURTHER GONE THAN I THOUGHT. SAID:
***THE ILLNESS IS THE SAME THING AS THE GHOST***
***THE GHOST IS THE SAME THING AS THE ILLNESS***
***BOTH ARE SMTHNG ELSE ENTIRELY***
***WHO DIES DEPENDS ON THEM, ME?***


mockery -- why? wants to keep me alive to "give me a chance" --
mind playing tricks?
my sins?

tues -- same pain increasign watched
- sleeping, thinking
depends on me, sins, what is the cause??? "too slow"

why why why why w
firm_detective: (fear)
It's late Tuesday night.

After Misa fell asleep, L slipped out of bed, sat on the sofa with an extra blanket wrapped around him, and attempted to create a record of recent events.

His motor control is poor tonight, and typing was difficult, but for the moment, he is satisfied enough with the imperfect document he managed to create. It has the information: the most important thing.

He walks, wavering, back to the bed, where he nearly collapses between the sheets. What began as discomfort in his abdomen is now pain; it's also in his chest, and his breathing is beginning to be affected even when he is not exerting himself. The medication Misa brought helps, but not enough. It's weak.

He props himself against his pillows and watches her sleep, wondering how many more nights he will have left in which to watch her, the dark and shining half-moon of her eyelash against her pale cheek, the soft susurration of her breath. Already, he knows that certain things between them are probably over -- almost the first thing to be taken away by this illness.

He's still staring at her when the interruption comes.

[[This thread is private to [livejournal.com profile] firm_detective, [livejournal.com profile] lastrunnerup, [livejournal.com profile] ibuttlesir, [livejournal.com profile] justiceishot, and, if she "wakes up," [livejournal.com profile] misamisal. Anyone else want in on it? Ping me! If your character found Blind Near dead in the hallway and soon ran to tell Ryuuzaki about it in his sickroom, you, too, can be added to this list.]]
firm_detective: (working)
I cannot type so well, my hands hurt and they are shaking, but its the first opportunityh i've had to make a record of what is happening. (me and everyone else.) on sofa, blanket, misa asleep in bed. concern for her and for myself; everyone. PAIN (abdominal, chest -- lungs?). May be important to assemble notes.

Began to experience iiregularities more than a week ago, on Sunday. My hearing -- on the way to the kitchen, met a new B. Stranger than most, which is saying something. couldnt hear everything said to/around me. auditory hallucinatns? disasscoiation?

Monday -- episodes continue. fatigue.
- Rose garden room. Light (bassist) -- ill, hears things, dreams. Near. hostile Mello -- from lights world. B had told me Light told him something was going around -- light denied.
- met new Near who claimed to be android, also a melllo and a light -- all w/o incident.

Tuesday -- more fatigued. green. weakness. motor control.
- another new B. v innocent.
- female Light -- false protestations of concern -- good cake.

wEdnesday -- more. more. more. dizziness began.
- new Matsuda. Light lost. if we get past this, want to consider it further. distracted during conversation, thought i saw -- what was it? can't remember.
- FOUND BODY IN KITCHEN. green slime. decomp. spoke begging for help. ruptured, sprayed mello, me. near slipped in slime. many people in room. something about footprints? can't remember. showered as soon as I could and disposd of clothing.

weds or thurs -- walked with Beyond (is harmless for now) -- slime in sugar bowl. vanished. beyond sick -- fevers, dizziness. afraid of watari, says he "makes ppl disappear." -- does he know I make ppl disappear.? gave me health lecture.
**Illness worse w/ contact to things/people?**

Thursday -- more. more. more. more. all more extreme. fever. urgency -- tried to finish what I could.
- 3rd new B of week -- call him Cipher. fragile.
- had long convesration with Elle (inexperienced). asked him -- keep eyes open & report if necc. watch light.
- kitchen. spoke with mel. can't remember much -- something abt red near?
- also spoke w. Mihael. **CONTAGIOUS** -- green discharge symptom -- eyes, mouth. Near sick.
- Went to bar to talk to Red Near. Cannot remember why -- almost delirious.
- **Lost consciousness after returning to kitchen.** High fever. Bathed & carried back to room by a number of people. (Watari, first new B, and ? can't remember.) Humiliating.

(Room location now seems common knowledge?)

Friday -- all symptoms. Slept. High fever fluctuates. Abdominal pain.
- M very worried. I did what I had to, think she understands.
- B who helped came to visit. Feels like a dream -- I remember little.

Saturday -- all symptoms. Slept. Fever down. More pain. Hiding it from M for now.
- Mello visited. Is caring for Near -- Odd.
- Misa sick. Her hand is green and cold.

Sunday -- all symptoms. Less dizzy, less fever. More ab pain. Pain in chest. Still sleeping.
- Pink-san visited -- worried. Lectured me (as if there arent 10 Ls here).
- Misa sicker than I thought. Green in her eyes, on her back. Still wants to nurse me. Hate that she is suffering.
- Late at night -- body in corridor, repteition of events in kitchen. Do not think Misa experienced similar event.

Monday -- further lessening of initial symptoms. fever fluctuates with body ache. More pain.
- Watari visited. I was honest. Found obv heart murmur.

Today -- More pain. Burning pain. Fever receding, occasioanl flare. Breathing problems.

Do not know how much time I have -- must get out of room as soon as I can. Even an hour at a time -- two -- enough, my hands are shaking
firm_detective: (drinking from cup)
It's the morning after the visit from B, about thirty-six hours after he lost consciousness in one of the kitchens, and L is still in bed.

At the moment, he is awake, sipping a cup of tea, trying to think past his fever. A few books (Du côté de chez Swann and Gravity's Rainbow) sit neglected on the nightstand.

There is a knock at the door.

[[Private to [livejournal.com profile] firmdetective, [livejournal.com profile] lastrunnerup, and [livejournal.com profile] misamisal.]]
firm_detective: (matter-of-fact)
We found the kitchen, thanks to the kindness of the Amane I've met here.

More pertinently, we found strawberry cheesecake. I did not, however, have much time to savor the strawberry cheesecake.

The German prostitute Mihael accompanied us to the kitchen. We conversed for a while; it was reasonably pleasant.

Interesting to have things in common with a prostitute: neither of us jumped through the common educational hoops, albeit for opposite reasons; we each started working at a young age; I was orphaned, and he might as well have been.

I enjoy nothing more than my work, though, and I do not have the impression that the same can be said for him, in spite of the fact that he's full of pride. 

Things turned unaccountably nasty when Yagami once again began to complain about his confinement, probably because Mihael was... sympathetic. Light went too far... not for the first time... but this time, I lost my temper.

At that point, Mihael went on the offensive, to the degree that I could have divulged every detail of the Kira case, and he still wouldn't have been satisfied with my reasoning.

So... I stopped talking. I'm not going to compromise my work with my own desire to win an argument. Others continued the conversation, and eventually, Mihael became frustrated, and left.

Now I'm just exhausted, and I want to try to find a bedroom where I can sleep... even better, where I can make a new base.

*

I'm hoping that there will be the satisfaction I anticipated in the resolution of this case, but my hopes for that kind of denouement decrease by the day.

Furthermore... physics now suggests to us that there are infinite parallel worlds, each created in the moment when one alternative is chosen over another, some with slight variations from our own, others incomprehensibly different. In this place, the worlds must somehow be overlapping: it's the only explanation for what I've seen that approaches the realm of the reasonable. 

I haven't spoken to a large number of people here, but one thing has become obvious: among the people I've met from a world where there is a Kira and I am Kira's pursuer, the end is the same every time. Light Yagami regains his memory of being Kira, gains his freedom, and achieves my death.

Now, in spite of what Amane said when she attempted to console me... I would be amazingly stupid to remove the handcuff, wouldn't I.
firm_detective: (matter-of-fact)
The days are spinning out in what seems like a few minutes each, and I still haven't found any cake (tea, pie, anything). The one with pink hair who seems to be me, though, gave me a jar of frosting. I'm tempted to break into it... but he did tell me that something he drank here turned his hair that color, so perhaps not.

On our seemingly endless way to the kitchen with the others, Light and I met a -- let's accept what we have in front of us, and say that we ran into Mello, and that Mello is a German prostitute. He flirted outrageously with both of us, more so with Yagami. Nothing to do but be amused.

Yagami. Well. He fights me every moment. 

It came out that he thinks I want him to be Kira because I'm out of ideas

To begin with -- I have never, for a single moment in my life, been "out of ideas." Not when I wanted to sleep at night, not when I wanted to kick back, relax, pay attention to a film, not when I was investigating a case. It's very simple. There are plenty of ideas, and I do nothing but sort through them and discard the wrong ones, until the right ones are left.

On top of that, while I would be much further from the solution to the Kira situation if I were not sure that Yagami had been acting as Kira, it is not the solution I "want." It's difficult to explain to someone of his age and experience, but what I "want" has little to do with what is or is not the solution to a case. I don't win by being right; I win by wrapping up a case. (The fact that the two things are mutually inclusive is a happy coincidence.)

This case is personally problematic. 

The Japanese authorities want the death penalty for Kira. If we can't get a confession, possibly life imprisonment... more likely not. It's my place to avoid attachments to the people I investigate. But I can see that Soichiro Yagami is a good man, sincere in his desire to help solve the case. His wife and daughter seem resolutely normal. 

I have spent more time than I care to tally observing Light Yagami. Every clue points to him in an almost inexorable line; the question is how (something this place is giving me ideas about). And why does he seem to have no memory of it? 

It's not just that he's difficult to crack; in both his case and Amane's, there seems to be nothing to crack... as if someone swapped their innocent doubles onto the world's stage just as I closed in on their guilt. Even Yagami's mannerisms are different, since his imprisonment.

Is it justice -- or, as I have sometimes said, kindness -- to send a promising young man to his death, when he has no recollection of his crimes? What does that do for the world? Winning under those circumstances would not feel like winning, even if I am absolutely certain of my conclusions.

If the Yagami family is destroyed, it won't be through my actions -- it will be through Light's. 

But still, I want to be very certain that those are actions he has committed. So I watch him, and watch him, and try to understand.

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May 2012

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