firm_detective: (matter-of-fact)
We found the kitchen, thanks to the kindness of the Amane I've met here.

More pertinently, we found strawberry cheesecake. I did not, however, have much time to savor the strawberry cheesecake.

The German prostitute Mihael accompanied us to the kitchen. We conversed for a while; it was reasonably pleasant.

Interesting to have things in common with a prostitute: neither of us jumped through the common educational hoops, albeit for opposite reasons; we each started working at a young age; I was orphaned, and he might as well have been.

I enjoy nothing more than my work, though, and I do not have the impression that the same can be said for him, in spite of the fact that he's full of pride. 

Things turned unaccountably nasty when Yagami once again began to complain about his confinement, probably because Mihael was... sympathetic. Light went too far... not for the first time... but this time, I lost my temper.

At that point, Mihael went on the offensive, to the degree that I could have divulged every detail of the Kira case, and he still wouldn't have been satisfied with my reasoning.

So... I stopped talking. I'm not going to compromise my work with my own desire to win an argument. Others continued the conversation, and eventually, Mihael became frustrated, and left.

Now I'm just exhausted, and I want to try to find a bedroom where I can sleep... even better, where I can make a new base.

*

I'm hoping that there will be the satisfaction I anticipated in the resolution of this case, but my hopes for that kind of denouement decrease by the day.

Furthermore... physics now suggests to us that there are infinite parallel worlds, each created in the moment when one alternative is chosen over another, some with slight variations from our own, others incomprehensibly different. In this place, the worlds must somehow be overlapping: it's the only explanation for what I've seen that approaches the realm of the reasonable. 

I haven't spoken to a large number of people here, but one thing has become obvious: among the people I've met from a world where there is a Kira and I am Kira's pursuer, the end is the same every time. Light Yagami regains his memory of being Kira, gains his freedom, and achieves my death.

Now, in spite of what Amane said when she attempted to console me... I would be amazingly stupid to remove the handcuff, wouldn't I.
firm_detective: (matter-of-fact)
The days are spinning out in what seems like a few minutes each, and I still haven't found any cake (tea, pie, anything). The one with pink hair who seems to be me, though, gave me a jar of frosting. I'm tempted to break into it... but he did tell me that something he drank here turned his hair that color, so perhaps not.

On our seemingly endless way to the kitchen with the others, Light and I met a -- let's accept what we have in front of us, and say that we ran into Mello, and that Mello is a German prostitute. He flirted outrageously with both of us, more so with Yagami. Nothing to do but be amused.

Yagami. Well. He fights me every moment. 

It came out that he thinks I want him to be Kira because I'm out of ideas

To begin with -- I have never, for a single moment in my life, been "out of ideas." Not when I wanted to sleep at night, not when I wanted to kick back, relax, pay attention to a film, not when I was investigating a case. It's very simple. There are plenty of ideas, and I do nothing but sort through them and discard the wrong ones, until the right ones are left.

On top of that, while I would be much further from the solution to the Kira situation if I were not sure that Yagami had been acting as Kira, it is not the solution I "want." It's difficult to explain to someone of his age and experience, but what I "want" has little to do with what is or is not the solution to a case. I don't win by being right; I win by wrapping up a case. (The fact that the two things are mutually inclusive is a happy coincidence.)

This case is personally problematic. 

The Japanese authorities want the death penalty for Kira. If we can't get a confession, possibly life imprisonment... more likely not. It's my place to avoid attachments to the people I investigate. But I can see that Soichiro Yagami is a good man, sincere in his desire to help solve the case. His wife and daughter seem resolutely normal. 

I have spent more time than I care to tally observing Light Yagami. Every clue points to him in an almost inexorable line; the question is how (something this place is giving me ideas about). And why does he seem to have no memory of it? 

It's not just that he's difficult to crack; in both his case and Amane's, there seems to be nothing to crack... as if someone swapped their innocent doubles onto the world's stage just as I closed in on their guilt. Even Yagami's mannerisms are different, since his imprisonment.

Is it justice -- or, as I have sometimes said, kindness -- to send a promising young man to his death, when he has no recollection of his crimes? What does that do for the world? Winning under those circumstances would not feel like winning, even if I am absolutely certain of my conclusions.

If the Yagami family is destroyed, it won't be through my actions -- it will be through Light's. 

But still, I want to be very certain that those are actions he has committed. So I watch him, and watch him, and try to understand.
firm_detective: (matter-of-fact)
It's always so frustrating -- depressing -- when I can't explain something to my satisfaction. This is the world. L knows what is going on. He can explain it to you... after he explains it to himself. That's how I live. Yet somehow... I'm not there yet.

I woke up here, in an empty, carpeted room... I don't know how long ago it was, time passes in fits and starts. It seems I hit my head when Yagami clocked me. But he claims I knocked him out with my returning kick... it's strange, since he's been here longer than me, by a day or so.

Soon enough, people -- and other things -- began to talk to me. It rapidly became clear to me that the best course of action would be to accept what I saw and heard and felt and glean what information I could.

Of course, the first person I ran into was Light Yagami. He had slipped his restraints somehow, so I recaptured him, dealing with the ensuing sulking. It's imperative that I keep an eye on him... not only is he my suspect, he's also my responsibility.

As is to be expected, where Light Yagami goes, Misa Amane follows... except this is not the Amane I know. This new Misa seems more serious, less egocentric. I must admit that the change is not unwelcome.

Most surprising, then, was that I met myself... but not me. His hair is a color that mine only was once, briefly, for a case I solved easily several years ago -- but he's familiar with the Kira case. He told me more about where he believes we are: in a mansion, somewhere, somehow, with mysterious properties. I'll believe them when I see them. From him, I learned that there may be many versions here of the people I might know; furthermore, they might be unlike themselves. This fits what I've seen.

I then met a strange young man, about my age, who seems to be an adult version of a boy who I know to currently reside at Wammy's House. His world is criminal, and I doubt that his life has been a happy one, but he has an insouciant charm. He says that he never lived at Wammy's, and that in his world, there is no well-known detective named L.

Finally, I met a shinigami named Rem, a grave creature who guards Misa Amane like her own child. I think I reacted appropriately. Rem seems reserved, and does not approve of Yagami, though I assured her that the Light I know is currently no danger to Amane at all. 

Amane related dreams to me, things she hadn't experienced, that sound all too much like what I know to be true. It didn't sound like they boded well for me... but then, neither does this headache.

Everything I hear from all of these people, even if they only turn out to have been thoughts in my own convalescent head,  convinces me that I am correct about the identity of Kira... but I have also caught hints that there's more to it. Anyway, I can't do anything without real evidence. What I have now is a circumstantial case pointing to an unlikely suspect.

I would really like some tea, now. At least six lumps of sugar. Black Forest cake, jam tarts, something to help me think. If I were in my own place, any of them, there would be a kindly old man to bring something to me if I asked... I miss him. He's the closest thing to a father I can remember having.

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May 2012

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