firm_detective | Friday night: Ut incepit fidelis sic permanet

*He closes his eyes, taking deep inhalations of her scent; he seems to relax against her hand.*

I wanted to be busy --

* -- he repeats, sounding a little broken -- *

-- But yes, I am tired, and --

*Wrapping his arms around her, he drops his head to her shoulder.*

::In turn, she wraps her arms around his back and shoulders, holding him to her, snuggling her head against his warm shoulder.::

I felt as if I was missing a part of myself, and it was only five days.

*He whispers against her neck,*

I didn't want to have time to think about you. I thought there was no point, when there was nothing I could do. I carried your camera in my pocket for weeks.

It's awful, when there isn't anything to do about a situation. Usually there is at least something that can be done to make the situation better, but, in this case...
...why do they play with us, L? Do they want to see how much we can take before we break?

::She knows he won't be able to answer, but she's been thinking about it and can't help saying it out loud. It comes out in a tone that screams of a deep ache.::

*A soft snort; he feels the air coming out warm against her neck.*

Maybe they wanted to see if you would make a deal -- but you didn't, you didn't, yes?

*His arms tighten around her.*

Misa, I was in the hospital for a few days last month. There was no serious danger, just pneumonia, but -- I was sick, and I did not pace myself. It was foolish. If I was going to die that way, I might as well have let myself be killed by Kira.

::she gives her head a short shake::
No, I didn't. And I kept eating, too. Mel and I made ourselves eat, made sure we took care of each other.

::her eyes widen, eyebrows shoot up, then lower into a worried fashion::
Pneumonia...that's not just something, that's dangerous.

::her small arms tighten around him at the mention of being killed by Kira.::
No, no, don't say that. I'd never want you to die that way. Or anyway. If you have to die, I want to be right there with you.

Good. I am glad the two of you took care of each other. Please understand -- I do not want you to make deals like that for me, unless -- unless it's a matter of your life and death -- a last resort.

*He breathes against her neck for a few seconds, then shrugs about the dangerousness of his illness.*

It was simple. I had the flu, and I attempted to continue to work -- then I couldn't work for a few days.

Misa, please don't worry. I would not want to leave you alone.

I couldn't do that to you unless it was the a last resort. I'll hold on until I can't any longer, and then I'll hold on more. I'll do anything for you.

Still...I just want you to be well. How are you feeling now?

I don't want to leave you alone either. I'm so sorry you were taken. I shouldn't have let you touch the camera, I should have just avoided, destroyed it. I used it just before I left, I should have known!

I am feeling tired, but I expect that it will improve, with time.

*He is relieved that he's told her the worst, and she hasn't cried. He strengthens his hold on her again, but this time, moves to lift her, swiveling at the same time; it's obvious he means to set her on the table behind him.*

You couldn't have known about the camera. In any case, it seems to have brought me back.

Misa, I will always do what I can to stay alive, all right? It is only that I wasn't used to missing someone.

*He will never admit aloud how much he missed her.*

I'll help you rest. I'll take care of you.

::the swivel and lift onto the table is a bit surprising, but she hangs on until her bottom connects with the top of the table. She feels a thrill fly through her when he mentions he wasn't used to missing someone.::

I...hope you never have to go through that again. But, still, thank you for missing me. I missed you, too. I was so worried, all I could do was clean and search all day. I've barely slept. I couldn't only fall into bed, exhausted, but I'd always awake a few hours later, my heart pounding. God, I've missed you so much, L. You're so important to me.

I think I need time, more than help -- more forced relaxation, I suppose. It will be all right.

*Moving her onto the table made her taller, and now he frames her chin with both of his hands.*

You don't have to thank me,

*he murmurs, and lowers his mouth to kiss her.*

Did you search anywhere dangerous? I was told you did not go into those rooms.

I wanted to. I even tried, but Mel made sure I didn't. I was her lifeline outside of the room.

Good. It was a futile search -- I do not like to think of you putting yourself in unnecessary danger.

*He pulls back, giving her a serious look.*

We will have tea, and then, it seems, we should try to sleep. It will be strange, Misa --

I felt that it was, too. The way you disappeared...

::she listens intently to what he says, then smiles softlyLL

It's alright, I understand. I don't mind sleeping on the sofa, if you'd like.

::Just then, the tea kettle begins to whistle, high and shrill.::

*The whistle doesn't startle him, exactly, but his gaze snaps to it, over his shoulder, and his body tenses against hers. When he realizes what it is, he relaxes again, pulling away from her to remove it from the burner and turn the burner off.*

The sofa? I -- no. Please. It would be nice to sleep together. It has been lonely at home; it's only that I am not used to being touched so much anymore.

We'll take it slow. Just knowing the other is there I think will help us to sleep a little easier.

::She moves to stand next to him, reaching up to bring two cups down from the cupboard. She turns her head to him and smiles encouragingly::

Everything will be alright.

*He gives her a small smile in return, but it doesn't make it to his eyes; he is out of the habit of smiling, out of the habit of interacting with people, once again out of the habit of doing much of anything except working, of seeing himself as something other than a machine for solving puzzles.*

Of course it will, Misa. What else would it be?

I have not changed my mind about you.

*He pulls down a box of tea, then turns to her again.*

It is easier already.

*This is wrong, he thinks. There should be some sense of celebration between us; that is normal for people who are reunited after a long time apart. He doesn't know where to begin, so he lifts the kettle and pours water into the cups she has provided.*

::She's not sure what else to do. She wants to hug him, hold him, kiss him, but she knows what's it like, not being used to being touched. Giving him time, letting him set the rules is all she can do at the moment, though she keeps stealing glances at him from the corner of her eyes, like a school girl trying to look at her crush without him, or anyone else, knowing. What can she possibly say? Then, she remembers something.::

Oh, A and I made a cheese cake the other day for you. I saved us each a piece, if you'd like some.

*His half-smile brightens.*

Yes. You made it for me? You must have been more confident than I was.

*He takes a deep breath, thinking of all the months he has been aching for her presence. He takes her hand.*

Misa, I want -- I want you to touch me as much as you want to, and then -- and then, if it is too much, we will stop.

::her smile seems a little sad::
A was, actually. I was kind of a wreck. But, it kept my hopes up.

::She turns to him, curling her fingers around his, her expression softening as she fals against him pulling him into her arms::

Oh, L...I love you so much. I'm so glad you here.
::her voice sounds a bit thick and she can feel the lump threatening in her throat::

((ooc: Time for bed! Good night! :) ))

*He stiffens when she pulls him into her arms, but only for a second; his own arms go around her again, his long, bony hand stroking her hair. In a soft, halting voice, he begins to speak to her as if he is telling her a story.*

The first time I came here, I resented being taken away from my work. I wish that they would not have sent me back in such a way that it became difficult to focus on it, but at the same time -- it is a relief -- something of a relief -- to have ended the Kira case as much as I'll be able to.

I still have work -- there is always more to do, and I have been trying to stay occupied -- but it is not as pressing as it was before. It has mostly been money at stake, rather than lives. I had just finished my case, I had not selected the next yet --

I suppose what I mean is that, at the moment, it doesn't seem to matter much whether I am here or there. I am not as concerned as I was about the possibility that my time here could leave me open to disaster back there.

*This moment of hesitation is longer than the others; he feels like he is stumbling through a verbal minefield.*

It's only -- I had just started to resign myself to not being able to see you. I was beginning to set aside the plans we had made, because as far as I could tell, they weren't realistic possibilities anymore.

I think I had let you go, a little, Misa.

I had lost you, and now it is as if you've come back to life. It's hard to trust it.

Edited 2009-01-22 19:48 (UTC)

::she nods slightly against his shoulder, gently rubbing his back in a slow motion in what she hopes is comforting::

I felt much the same the first night I came here. Even for a little while afterward, I was unsure if I should allow myself to believe...
But, still, I want you to know, that no matter what happens, I will always love you L. I want you to take all the time you need to feel comfortable again.

*He returns her nod.*

Yes, I remember it. I didn't forget anything, Misa. It is only that it felt far away -- you were far away. I wasn't even sure where you were.

I do not know whether it would be better to give it time, or to try to pretend that I never left. When I thought about coming back here -- when I was at home -- what I wanted was for things to be the way they were when I left, or better.

*When I thought about it -- but I tried not to think about it -- spending time that way was futile.*

I want that, too.

::There's a pause as she simply holds him and she begins to think that maybe next time she'll be able to go home with him. Home? Yes...yes, it would be her home then. But, as long as she could be with him, she knew she would feel home.::

Perhaps we should drink our tea, now, before it goes cold.

There is no reason why they shouldn't be,

*he murmurs, then chuckles, nervous.*

I do not -- care -- about the tea. It would be nice, it is always nice, but just now, I do not care about it.

*As he speaks, something subtle changes in his posture, to the point where he seems to be cradling her against him.*

Misa, I don't sleep the way I used to, anymore.

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