i want candy

The days are spinning out in what seems like a few minutes each, and I still haven't found any cake (tea, pie, anything). The one with pink hair who seems to be me, though, gave me a jar of frosting. I'm tempted to break into it... but he did tell me that something he drank here turned his hair that color, so perhaps not.

On our seemingly endless way to the kitchen with the others, Light and I met a -- let's accept what we have in front of us, and say that we ran into Mello, and that Mello is a German prostitute. He flirted outrageously with both of us, more so with Yagami. Nothing to do but be amused.

Yagami. Well. He fights me every moment. 

It came out that he thinks I want him to be Kira because I'm out of ideas. 

To begin with -- I have never, for a single moment in my life, been "out of ideas." Not when I wanted to sleep at night, not when I wanted to kick back, relax, pay attention to a film, not when I was investigating a case. It's very simple. There are plenty of ideas, and I do nothing but sort through them and discard the wrong ones, until the right ones are left.

On top of that, while I would be much further from the solution to the Kira situation if I were not sure that Yagami had been acting as Kira, it is not the solution I "want." It's difficult to explain to someone of his age and experience, but what I "want" has little to do with what is or is not the solution to a case. I don't win by being right; I win by wrapping up a case. (The fact that the two things are mutually inclusive is a happy coincidence.)

This case is personally problematic. 

The Japanese authorities want the death penalty for Kira. If we can't get a confession, possibly life imprisonment... more likely not. It's my place to avoid attachments to the people I investigate. But I can see that Soichiro Yagami is a good man, sincere in his desire to help solve the case. His wife and daughter seem resolutely normal. 

I have spent more time than I care to tally observing Light Yagami. Every clue points to him in an almost inexorable line; the question is how (something this place is giving me ideas about). And why does he seem to have no memory of it? 

It's not just that he's difficult to crack; in both his case and Amane's, there seems to be nothing to crack... as if someone swapped their innocent doubles onto the world's stage just as I closed in on their guilt. Even Yagami's mannerisms are different, since his imprisonment.

Is it justice -- or, as I have sometimes said, kindness -- to send a promising young man to his death, when he has no recollection of his crimes? What does that do for the world? Winning under those circumstances would not feel like winning, even if I am absolutely certain of my conclusions.

If the Yagami family is destroyed, it won't be through my actions -- it will be through Light's. 

But still, I want to be very certain that those are actions he has committed. So I watch him, and watch him, and try to understand.